Hot slidin’…

May 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment

Shades down, baby. The sun never sets on cool.

Filed Under Videos

A belated Happy Mama’s Day :)

May 11, 2009 | 1 Comment

Oh God. Pissing myself with laughter! But I pity the fool that doesn’t do what Mr. T is commanding.

By the way, if I ever catch any of the men I know wearing shorts like that, I am kicking their butt. You’ve been warned, fellas.

Filed Under Funny Ha Ha, Holidays, Videos

Quick Scrawl McGraw.

April 24, 2009 | 2 Comments

News of the day: I’m booked to spend 3 days in a hermitage at that spiritual place I mentioned in my last entry. (Look for it below. Gees.) It will be the first time in my life where I will be alone for an extended period of time, answering to no one else, and just taking time to create and be with God. Possible outcomes: I might be healed, I might go insane, I might decide to run away and become a hermit forever.

Those poor nuns. Pray for ‘em.

**************

I can’t love my neighbor.

You know Wolfman Jack from next door? Mini-recap: last fall he was arrested for beating the hell out of his live-in girlfriend; he went after her with a baseball bat and could have very easily killed her. Well, he’s been lying low all winter. Now he emerges this spring with a new girlfriend. Now he waves and tries to be friendly and act like he isn’t an abusive asshole to women.

I’ve never wanted to tell someone off so bad in my life. And if he attempts to introduce his new girlfriend to me and act like they are a happy couple, I am going to say point blank to her with him standing there: You know he drinks too much, has fits of uncontrollable rage, and attacks women with baseball bats, right?

I’m tired of pricks like him wandering around and creating misery.

**************

I’m off to the chiropractor to get something adjusted. (Nope, not my attitude. Sorry. Keep hoping.)

Filed Under The Scoop

Mutter? Mutter.

April 20, 2009 | 2 Comments

I say … and you think … ?

Lease :: option
Dead :: horse
Removed :: wisdom tooth
Broke :: shatter
Lips :: Mick Jagger
Flight :: hang gliding
Three hours :: is too long to do anything
Give :: share
Technical :: difficulties
Hurry :: up and wait

*****************

I need a retreat. I am thinking of going here: The Christine Center. I am assuming they would allow wandering Jews with bad attitudes to flop there for awhile. Anyone been there? Anyone have any details? If you have ‘em, share ‘em, please.

I really just need a place where there is no traffic noise, no telephone, no politics, no sideshow freaks on the 24/7 news. I need to see the stars and hear some crickets, nothing else. But no camping… I want to hear the crickets, not wake up with them in my pajamas.

Love you all. Send Xanax.

Filed Under Memes, Thursday's Pretties

Same blog, more fitting title.

April 18, 2009 | 1 Comment

Yes, I changed the name of the blog. For a few different reasons, I guess. But the main reason is because I could. And even you have to admit that it is more fitting for me. I’m such a fucking brat.

**************

I had a major league, life-changing personal insight the other day. It’s so big that I immediately scribbled notes about it and carry them with me, in case I try to convince myself that it never happened. Here’s the scoop:

I was lying in bed the other day, trying to wake my sorry ass up. I had an appointment with my trainer at the gym in an hour and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. Like for at least 6 hours. So the battle began in my head, back and forth, the whining of I AM TOO TIRED TO GO versus GET YOUR FAT BUTT OUT OF BED AND GO.

I hate that battle, and I talked with God about it right at that very minute. Actually the internal conversation was something similar to: “Why do I do this all the time? Why can’t I do anything without the fight in me head? Why won’t I do what is good for me?!”

The answer came in a split second. (God knows that He has to act fast with me, because I will run like the wind if he dawdles…)

I don’t do many important things for one simple reason: Because I am supposed to do them.

Of course I told God that His answer was waaaaay off the mark. I think I even told him “Bullshit, God.”

Then I realized that even THAT – the way I reacted to the insight by denying it – was a major act of rebellion.

Whoa.

I sat straight up in bed and started thinking about things I don’t do….

- Balance my checkbook.
- Take my meds on time.
- Eat right all the time.
- Exercise every day.
- Answer my !@#$% telephone.
- Write back.
- RSVP anything.
- Call my parents when they would like me too.
- Sleep “normal” hours.
- Make art.
- Show art.
- SELL art.
- Get ANYPLACE on time.
- Drive the speed limit.
- Recycle.
- Water my plants before they wilt….

That little list is just the first microscopic snowflake on top of the iceberg.

I’ve got a very big problem here. With rules. And authority. And societal expectations. I honestly cannot think of a single thing that I do just because I should. I will do it if and when I want to (and can), but not because I am supposed to. In fact, the more someone tries to convince me that I am supposed to do something, the harder I push back. And woe be it to the person who is silly enough to think they can guilt me into doing something. I become a subversive, scheming, willful brat who will not be forced into compliance, no matter what.

About the only thing that makes me compliant is general anesthesia.

It’s simultaneously hilarious and sad, when I think about it. And I feel simultaneously blessed and cursed with the knowledge of what is going on. I am now driving myself crazy because each time I go to do something, I ask myself if it’s something I want to do… or something I feel I am supposed to do. And when I decide which it is, then I try to analyze why I have put it in that category. Arrrrgh!

But at least I have a fighting chance now. Many people never get walloped upside the head with insight like this. It’s just going to take a while to get my mind right. (Kind of like Cool Hand Luke did.)

Dr. K is going to have a field day with this.

Enough of that. I am going to sleep, and I am doing it because I want to. Alpha-brat, over and out.

Filed Under Grraarrrgh!, I've Been Thinking, Shrink This