The Saturday 8! This week’s

August 31, 2002 | Leave a Comment

This week’s survey: “Fly Me To The Moon…”

1. When was the last time you watched the sky and how was it?

The last time I truly contemplated the sky was on Wednesday of this week, and it was great! I was lying on my back, on a blanket in the grass. The sky was a crystal blue color and there were puffy cotton-ball kind of clouds slowly cruising by. As I was enjoying it all, I recalled what my friend The Count told me once about his pre-school teacher letting all of the children lie on little blankies in the grass and look for familiar shapes in the clouds above. She let them do this during their scheduled naptime so they could fall asleep if they needed to. Isn?t that wonderful?

2. If man in the moon was real, what does he look like? What does he do up there?

Oh, I always envision him to look a bit like Santa Claus, but without the white beard. As far as I know, he sleeps all day. However at night, he runs the only Starbuck?s Coffee Shop in outer space. He keeps all of those aliens giggling and hopped up on caffeine, dontcha know.
3. Have you ever made a wish when you saw a falling star? What was it?

Yes, I have. The wish I made was a request to always have love in my life. It came true!

4. Which one do you like better? The moon or the sun? Why?

Well, I like them both for their valuable contributions to life as we know it. However, I have a special affection for the Moon. The Moon has witnessed my prayers, kept me company on long drives during the night, and watched over me as I fell in love. That gently glowing orb seems like a lifelong friend in many ways. There is also a mysterious, sensual quality to the Moon that the Sun just doesn?t possess, and I have always been intrigued by that.

5. Imagine now you are walking under the moonlight. Where were you now? And who you were with? If you were with someone or some people, what were you doing now besides walking?

Hmmm. Interesting. This is the scenario that came to my mind:

I am with a group of people, some of them family members, some of them not. We are working in crop fields ? all kinds, it seems. Squash, pumpkins, corn, potatoes. Freezing weather is coming soon so we can?t rest at night. We are all cold, tired and dirty, but we must work by the light of the moon to gather as much of the crop as possible in order to make it through the winter.

Wow. I wonder if that was a flashback of a previous life?

6. Is the moon female or male? Why do you think so?

Definitely female. She is constantly changing in shape and color; she has regular cycles; she has a quiet and gentle influence. She can be charming, flirtatious, demure, and mesmerizing. I regard all of those qualities as feminine.

7. Who are the stars for the moon? Are they friends or family or strangers? Why?

I believe the stars are little brothers and sisters of the Moon. She adores them and they look up to her.

8. Have you ever wished to go walking on the moon? Not like what Michael Jackson did, but Neil Amstrong, of course … If so, what would be the first thing you did once you were there?

Haha! I have actually thought of this quite often. The first thing I would do is fall backwards into a big pile of the soft dirt on the surface and flap my arms and legs to make a Moon Dust Angel!

Yes, I know. I am a dork. :)~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

I am a worthwhile beast!

August 30, 2002 | Leave a Comment

I *am* a worthwhile beast!

Also known widely as the Fire Bird, the Phoenix is a profound symbol of the circle of life. It has a life cycle of 500 to 600 years and after that amount of time, it sets itself on fire and dies in the flames. Then after three days, it rises again from the ashes. It is a completely benign creature who lives in dew. It is said that the Phoenix has a beautiful melodious song which grows ever more mournful as its life comes to an end.
It is a symbol of the sun and immortality.
The Phoenix is a very worthwhile beast.
What mythical beast best represents you?Take the quiz!

Yes, it is true: I have officially declared Friday as “MyDay” and I won’t be doing anything that even slightly resembles work. I am going to goof off all damn day and try to convince everyone I meet to do the same. We deserve it! By the way, don’t you have some daydreaming to catch up on… or an absolutely trashy novel to read?

It is 10:30 in the morning and I am going back to bed for a nap. Spoiling myself is sooooo exhausting, you know.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Fear & Other Bits of

August 29, 2002 | Leave a Comment

Fear & Other Bits of Nonsense

Yesterday I decided that I do indeed have all the power required to accomplish whatever I want to in life. Today I decided that I don?t know how to apply that power very well yet. In fact, I am scared of it for some reason.

The power that I am talking about seems like a big, glowing ball of energy inside of me. It is very good stuff. I can visualize it and feel it, but I don?t know how to control it. Just when I think I am on the verge of doing something extremely positive with the power, I smother it. I don?t know if I am doing that to protect myself or other people.

The best way that I can describe it is this: imagine that you are on your way to the most magnificent orgasm you have ever had. You know it?s gonna be awesome because, dammmmnnn you have never felt this incredible… this free? it keeps building until you are certain that every cell in your body is going to explode? and then…

=Ba-woooosh!!=

Out of nowhere, a 5 gallon bucket of ice water drenches you from head to toe, especially the crotch area.

!@#$%^& is right!

I wonder sometimes if I am truly afraid of becoming so successful in life that it would blow my fucking mind. I can?t think of any other reason that I hold myself back this way.

How can I break through this pattern? I am completely serious here: If you have wisdom that you can offer me on this subject, please email or leave a comment. I need all the help I can get with this.

In other news:

Today I met with the social worker who counsels people that are going through the weight loss program I am a part of. Her name is Kim and she seems pretty cool so far. I set up the appointment because I have been having so much anxiety about the rapid change in my size and appearance.

She assured me that what I am going through is totally normal and that it is going to pass. (Just like Dr. Keith keeps saying, too.) All I know is that I feel more vulnerable now than I ever have since I was a kid. And overeating to numb the fear is no longer an option or a desire.

Of course, she wanted to know if there had been any sexual abuse in my childhood. I just told her the tip of the iceberg. She then said that there is definitely a link between all of that crap and my anxiety over the weight loss.

I knew that. I have always known that. For some reason I thought that maybe ? just maybe, someone would tell me something different this time. I guess I kept hoping someone would say ?You know, this fear you have is caused by that scary roller coaster ride you went on when you were 10 years old. We?ve got an easy cure for that!?

No such luck.

I am sick to death of looking at my sexual abuse history. I don?t even like to use the word ?my? to refer to it. It?s like claiming that the lovely scent of the pile of dog poop that I stepped in is mine, allll miiine. Blech.

I have to come to terms with it before this weight loss goes much further, though, or the anxiety is just going to increase with each pound that comes off. Kim and I agreed to meet weekly for a while, and I feel pretty comfortable with that.

The uber-skank next door, Marsha, and her babies? daddy, Adam, had a major league argument tonight. Right between our houses, of course. They were so close that I could have reached out the window and slapped them both upside their empty heads.

The fight lasted for about 40 minutes, and no one from the rest of the Sucky Neighbor Clan even bothered to tell them to calm down or at least be a little more private about things. I was shocked at that. Do some families just consider it normal to fight like rabid pit bulls in public? It was scary. And if it was scary for me, I can about imagine how their kids felt if they were hearing it as well. Damn.

If they start up again tonight I am calling the police immediately. (I actually have the department?s dispatch number on speed dial now because of these people.) I?m losing enough sleep working on my own issues and don?t need theirs piled on top.

Oye, ok. That?s enough brain spillage for tonight. Thanks for bearing with me everyone. I needed to vent.

Next mood swing: 24 hours.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Visual Mantra “Aum” Photoshop 7

August 28, 2002 | Leave a Comment

Visual Mantra

“Aum”
Photoshop 7 raw creation
333 x 333 pixels
08-27-02

Nothing works more completely to renew my sense of connection with Everything than to spend an afternoon meditating in the Iowa countryside. Today I felt the bright pink essence of God scoop me up lightly and hold me close. I feel as if I am receiving some sort of power transfusion at the moment. The strange thing is, all I had to do was remember that the power has always been there. It has always been mine.

I don’t know why it took me so long to claim it.

I’m still feeling a bit introspective from my day of communion, so I won’t write much more. If you would like to read some excellent information about the meditative chant of Aum, go here. Somewhere down the page is a section that begins “The Ancient Tradition of Aum” — it’s one of the best descriptions I have found on the subject.

A special thank you goes out to my new friend Mary at BeerMary’s Rant-o-Rama. She has been wonderfully supportive of my site, and has even perma-linked me on her page! I feel very honored. Visit her blog soon! You will learn about the dangers of the Prairie Dog Taliban and other good stuff. Hehe…

Last but not least, I send out Happy Birthday wishes to my buddy Maddog, who lives up dere in da Great White Norf, eh. Everyone shove a flaming birthday candle into a TimBit in honor of the Ol Dawg, ok? That sounds a bit painful doesn’t it? *snicker*

More tomorrow, friends~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

=Wince= Ouchie? I have one

August 27, 2002 | Leave a Comment

=Wince=

Ouchie? I have one of those headaches that feel like there is an ice pick digging around behind my left eyeball. Nothin? is touching it either. It?s got attitude. Therefore, so do I this evening.

Has anyone been keeping up with that show American Idol? I got sucked into its evil vortex at the beginning and I have been watching it each week. But today I decided that it is at least as stupid and destructive as the Miss America Contest, so I?m not watching it anymore. I mean, it just dawned on me what the whole thing is all about. It is about finding the person who most closely fits the model of what the media and corporate America have convinced most of society is ?ideal? in regards to vocal quality, sense of style, body proportioning, meow meow meow. It has nothing to do with originality or genuine artistic expression.

It is a search for the new living, breathing Barbie or Ken doll that can sing out tunes in the most overly emotionalized and embellished way. (That’s what’s “in” today, ya know.) The person that wins the contest will then be pimped out worse than any mattress-backed ho in history. It is absolutely nothing more than that.

By the way, did you know that Simon Cowell - the hardass judge on the panel - is a music executive in the production company that will have first crack at the pimping job? Oh, yes indeed he is. How convenient, eh?

Damn, I?m tired of set-ups like this. Its as if someone is trying to sell me fast-food for my soul. No, thank you, Mr. McShitslinger. I?m not buying any over-processed, pre-packaged crap today. Or tomorrow.

I’d rather feed my musical soul something substantial, succulent and tasty.

Tomorrow I am going for a drive in the country, with a little homemade mix going on in the CD player. Some lovely Cass Elliot to begin with. A main course of Big Mama Thornton. A side order of Bob Dylan. Some downright sinful John Lee Hooker fo’ dessert.

Mmmm mmmm. Now that’s good eatin’. :)~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized