The Weekend Navel-Gazer, #2

May 31, 2003 | 1 Comment

Toilets, Spiders, Underpants and Other Good Stuff.

1. Have you ever opened an item in a store so you could smell it?

Yes, I confess I have. Several times. I?ll stop that practice as soon as shampoo manufacturers come to the realization that people don?t want to spend $5 a bottle for stuff that makes their hair smell like fucking Wild Raspberry Kool-Aid! Hint to Miss Clairol et al: Give beauty products a fragrance that ADULTs wouldn?t mind having next to their noses. Pre-schoolers seldom have the jack or the brains to buy their own shampoo, you idiots.

2. Have you ever intentionally eaten an insect?

Noooo? although there was that time when I was 5 that I temporarily stored a handful of lightning bugs in my mouth while I frantically searched my mom?s kitchen for an empty jelly jar. Hee!

I didn?t swallow any, but it sure left a bad taste in my mouth.

(Hey, didn?t Monica Lewinsky say the same thing once?)

But I digress; back to the bug issue. Did you know that during their lifetime the average person munches down 8 spiders in their sleep? It?s disgusting, but true. Eight spiders? eight crunchy little legs on each of them. Mmm mmmm. Now, that?s good eatin! I have a theory that ?morning breath? is actually ?arachnid breath? but no one wants to think about that horrible possibility.

3. Ever worn the underwear of the opposite sex?

Gawd no. That pee-pee flap thing on the front always looks like it would be drafty to me. However, I must admit, I do like the sturdy knit fabric of men?s tightie-whities. If they made all women?s undies out of stuff like that we could keep them for 10 years, just like the guys do. They wear like iron! Nobody wants to see big, heavyweight cotton panties flung up on stage at a rock concert, though. It?s all a sexist conspiracy.

4. Trapped in a well-used port-a-potty overnight, or stuck in a phone booth on a street corner for 3 full days. Take your pick, sweetie.

ARRrrrrrrrgh — that?s gross! Who writes these questions?? (Oh yeah, I do. Bah! )

This is a tough one. Sometimes people use phone booths as bathrooms, too, you know. I?d have to go with the phone booth, though. I would make collect calls to everyone I know (this means YOU!) and whine about how miserable I am. I’d tell them about how I have to pee really bad, but there?s no privacy because I?m in a big glass display case in the center of downtown. Then I?d lament about how I should have just held my nose and chose the short-term port-a-potty thing instead, stupid stupid stupid me! (I mean, has there ever been a case of someone dying from exposure to stench? I think not! I?m such a fool!)

However, another thing to consider is that the National Enquirer would probably never locate me dying of stench exposure in a ripe outhouse overnight, but you can bet ?Fatty Boom-Ba-Latty Stuck in Phone Booth 3 days!? would certainly be a headliner.

Publicity is a big factor here; I must guard my stellar reputation.

Am I making too much of this question? Ahem. I better move on.

5. Name three things that you believe bring Good Luck.

Work
Hard work
Bust-your-ass hard work

? all while carrying a lucky rabbit?s foot in your pocket.)

Had enough of my navel to last you for a while? Ok, then. You?re dismissed. See you next weekend for installment #3.

Sleep well. Hope you don?t eat a spider tonight. You never know where it could have been.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Sanctuary!

May 30, 2003 | 2 Comments

As promised, here are a few pics of the privacy fence project. It?s all finished now ? it is sooooo nice to have a space to ourselves! In truth, their yard in the ?before? photo looks quite peaceful as compared to its usual condition. (Today it looks like a tornado ripped through a day care center or something. A daycare center where the kids smoke, drink 40?s and throw trash on the ground.) Anyway, here are the images.

Before:

After:

Bonus pic!:

That’s the birdbath and some of the perennials I put in while J was working on the fence. Hopefully the kids will forget all about now that they can?t see them on a daily basis. :)~

Pretty cool, huh? We are loving it! It’s just a postage-stamp sized backyard, but now it feels much more like a little garden space all our own.

In other news, I have been contacting bariatric surgeons all week in order to get more information about possible gastroplasty. They all have been very helpful and have encouraged me to do as much research as I can before I make a choice on the type of surgery. One doctor advised against the type I have been leaning towards ? which is the lap band, explaining that it tends to work best on people on the lower weight end of the obesity continuum, which I am not. Therefore, if I decide to have one of the more invasive operations, I am definitely going to have to put it off until at least this time next year. The waiting lists are too long to be scheduled for anything this summer or even over Christmas break.

There?s nothing wrong with waiting and doing more investigating; it?s not like I am gaining massive amounts of weight at the moment. I?m just not losing any either.

More updates on this subject as they come in.

Looking for something for your dad for Father?s Day? I received an email from Big Dogs clothing catalogue, and they are having a great sale on cotton pique polo shirts ? originally $39, now $19! I snapped up a few for Dad. He likes to think of himself as the King Big Dog, so I am sure he?ll love ?em.

We are still planning a trip back to Sioux City for Father?s Day weekend. I haven?t seen my folks since last Thanksgiving, so it will be good to spend some time with them and give them hugs. Of course they drive me nuts, but I guess that?s probably a parent?s job, right?

Be sure to stop in on Saturday for installment #2 of The Weekend Navel-Gazer. A good time shall be had by all! Ok, a good time will at least be had by me, the self-centered psychodynamic that I am.
Hope to see you then ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Wednesday afternoon chit-chat.

May 28, 2003 | Leave a Comment

It?s positively gorgeous outside today. About 75 degrees, sunny and breezy. I wish it would stay like this for the next 5 months! A friend of mine once told me that it?s like this in Hawaii most of the time. Well, it was at least on the occasions he has been there. I swear, I am going on a winter vacation to those islands someday.

I?m sitting here eavesdropping on Marcia and two of her ho-sisters talking about who is fucking whose man. The topic seems to be changing every 60 seconds, though, so I can?t really tell what?s going on. (And hey, it?s not officially eavesdropping if they are sitting 5 feet from my open window and chattering like magpies. Heh. Stupid biatches.)

Ok, now I am getting phrases like ?court date,? ?preliminary hearing,? and ?maximum sentence.?

Holy crap.

Now I wish the breeze would die down a little bit so I could hear better. :)~

Remember the jacked-up vertebrae in my back? It?s healing nicely, thanks to the care of Dr. Bobby. I?ve have been dutifully making all of my appointments and he?s really been whomping it back into place where it should be. Usually I go 2 or 3 times, then I start feeling better and quit. Not this time around. That pain was unreal.

Last night I also slept on a new pillow that I got from the doc. It?s called a ?Chiro-Flow? and inside between the layers of padding is a reservoir that you fill with water to the level you desire. It?s truly the most comfortable pillow I?ve ever owned! I was a bit skeptical at first, but I had no problem zonking out on it last night ? and this morning there was no stiffness in my neck and shoulders at all. I?m hooked!

The only downside is that the thing weighs about 10 lbs. when it?s filled. Which classifies it as a lethal weapon when used during a pillow fight. Hee. Other than that, I would heartily recommend this product if you have neck and shoulder problems. It?s a godsend!

The ?Chiro-Flow? Pillow ? ask your healthcare professional today about this wonderful breakthrough in chiropractic health!

I should be doing voice over commercials.

The fence is just inches from being done. J ran out of some hardware that he needed in order to finish it last night, so he is picking it up after work.

The Sucky Neighbors still have their collective noses out of joint over it. (They find it ?of-FENCE-ive? ? bwaaaahahaha!) We have learned from the oldest kid that his family thinks we put up the fence because they are black, or have racially mixed relatives.

Yeah right.

It couldn?t have anything to do with their constantly vile behavior and disgusting looking yard, could it? Naw. It?s all because they have darker pigmentation than us. J and I are that narrow-minded and ignorant.

To declare *that* is offensive to me. But what can we do? He?s a kid and he is just repeating what the adults around him are saying. Hopefully sooner or later he will notice that it?s a person?s conduct that matters, not the color of their skin.

J?s going to be home in a bit. I should get in that kitchen and whip up some supper like an well-trained little housewife.

Haha. That was a good one, wasn?t it?
More later, kittens ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Poetry Night at The Infinitepink Cafe

May 28, 2003 | Leave a Comment

I came across this brief poem while reading Myths to Live By by Joseph Campbell. A California poet, Robinson Jeffers, who lived on the Pacific shore, wrote it.

Natural Music

The old voice of the ocean, the bird-chatter of little rivers,
(Winter has given them gold for silver
To stain their water and bladed green for brown to line their
banks)
From different throats intone one language.
So I believe that if we were strong enough to listen without
Divisions of desire and terror
To the storms of the sick nations, the rage of the hunger-smitten
cities,
Those voices also would be found.
Clean as a child?s; or like some girl?s breathing who dances
alone
By the ocean-shore, dreaming of lovers.

~ ~ ~

Every time I read that, I get a vision of the sky blossoming like an enormous blue flower above me and I am being thrust upward into it, with all of the sounds of earth mixing together behind me like an orchestra that is tuning up. The reverberation is so powerful that its energy is propelling me into space.

It?s very strange what words can do to me. I think I love it.

Would you like to read more of Robinson Jeffers poetry? I highly recommend Roan Stallion, Tamar, and Other Poems, published in 1925. It?s an exquisite collection of his works.

And if you aren?t reading any of Joseph Campbell?s books yet, you must you must YOU MUST! (Just a helpful nudge there.)
I’m off to my favorite chair to do some more late night reading. More tomorrow, friends.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Oh, screw it.

May 27, 2003 | 2 Comments

If you stopped in anytime over the past 12 hours, you may have been treated to a very topsy-turvy page. The menu on the right has appeared at the bottom and left side of the page; the main content area was once shifted all the way over to the right hand side so that you had to scroll to try to read it (there was *huge* column of blankness down the center of the page — hahahaha!), and certain sections have disappeared and reappeared like magic and I don?t even know how it happened.

Funk dat.

I am simply not capable of rearranging stuff yet. I should be riding the short bus to HTML School. I could be placed in the remedial class. Heck, I could be captain of my row in there!

However I did get a chance to use my new favorite font, Pink Martini by Blue Vinyl, so I am giddy as all get out about that. And I figured out how to get the calendar back on the page, so if you click on the colored dates you will be magically transported to the entry for that day. Other than that, it?s all the same.

(Same crap, different font. Hah!)

I think I need a gold star for my efforts. Just a little something to encourage me to try again in the future, after I?ve scoured over a thousand more layouts in an attempt to understand what the hell I?m doing.

Ah. Thank you, gold star fairy. I feel all better now.

In backyard news, the privacy fence is now about 95% complete! It has made such an improvement already. All that is left now is to attach gates at each end and put on the locks, and that should be finished by tomorrow night.

And you know what? The new neighbor guy, ?Dan? (the one who lives to the south of us), came over this morning and helped J attach all of the vertical fencing boards. It really made the job go much faster. He?s actually seems like a pretty nice fellow. It?s his two pre-teen step-kids that can be so obnoxious and wild, and they?ve been spending a lot of time at the swimming pool lately, so it?s been relatively quiet on that side of the house.

Maybe it will be a nice, semi-peaceful summer after all. Maybe we will finally be able to enjoy our backyard after 5 + years of nonsense from the Sucky Neighbors. Maybe Marcia will finally pack up her brood of brats and move into a place of her own, thus ending their reign of terror over the whole block.

Then again, maybe I stayed outside in the sun too long today and I?m delirious. :P~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized