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Monday’s art is full of color.

June 30, 2003 | 2 Comments

Oh, shush… it is *not* burning your retinas. Just don’t stare directly into it and you should be ok. :)~

Not too much going on here at the moment. Just painting, doing some research for a class I am teaching this fall, and going to lots of miscellaneous appointments. Ho hum.

I need some excitement. I need to cause some trouble. Yeah, trouble! That’s the ticket… hmmm…

Tuck me in!

June 29, 2003 | 1 Comment

I’ve slept for about a total of 10 hours since Thursday. This is the longest sleepless streak I’ve had for awhile now.

My mind is getting fuzzy and I am having giggling fits just because the thought of having one sounds funny to me. I’m also painting like a madwoman, which feels good in some perverse way. I’m so groggy that I can’t over-rationalize and out-think myself when I go to put a color on the panel. Therefore things are happening in the paintings that are total surprises to me. They seem to be coming out of nowhere.

Other artists drink while they work; some take drugs. I suck down iced tea and keep myself awake for ungodly lengths of time then fall into an exhausted heap. When sleep finally comes, I’m practically in a coma. Then I wake up, notice that I am covered in flecks and smudges of paint, and run out to my easel to see what I created while my head was elsewhere.

Sometimes it’s really spectacular! Other times it’s obvious that I should have passed out an hour earlier and maybe the last painting I was working on would have stood a chance. Hee.

Agent J has become accustomed to these creative bursts over the years. He actually thinks they are rather amusing and does his best to help if he can:

“Need more iced tea?” *smile*

“Want me to empty your wastebasket?” *smile*

“I’ll change that CD for ya…” *another smile*

“Whoa, champ… looks like you just did 5 rounds with Tyson! Aren’t you ready to pass out yet?” *downright belly laughs*

Actually, yes, now I am ready! I’m off to fall into bed if I can find it.

Tell Sunday hello for me because I doubt that I’ll be seeing much of it.

ps. OOooo… look what happens when you click your mouse anywhere on this page! Wheeeeeeeeee! Purty purty.

Just writing and reading.

June 27, 2003 | 2 Comments

It?s strange. I feel the urge to write, but I really don?t have much to say. Having to put Tashie down on Wednesday has left me feeling empty and speechless. I am still numb in many ways. I guess I hope by writing something, even if it?s not much, I can begin to feel connected with others again somehow.

Part of the problem is that for the past two years, I haven?t written a single thing on this computer without that kitty-girl curled up next to me, watching my every move. This room was just as much hers as it was mine, if not more so. Her bed was here, she took her meals in here, and all of her toys and grooming things were here. I keep expecting to feel her paw touch my foot and hear her meow for her nighttime saucer of milk and a brushing.

This is going to be hard for a while. Putting away some of her things has helped a little. I think it will be much easier when my office is located in the upstairs studio, though. It should only be a few more weeks until that happens.

I can do it.

I?ve got a really interesting book going right now that may be of interest to all of you creative (and depressive) types out there. It?s called ?The Van Gogh Blues? and the author is Eric Maisel, Ph.D.

Read this excerpt:

?. . . virtually 100 percent of creative people will suffer from episodes of depression. Why virtually 100 percent? Because every creative person came out of the womb ready to interrogate life and determine for herself what life would mean, could mean, and should mean. Her gift or curse was that she was born ready to stubbornly doubt received wisdom and disbelieve that anyone but she was entitled to provide answers to her own meaning questions.

“Creative people of all kinds look for understanding, empathy, and meaning in life. That is what they do, what they work with. This fact will to lead to depression — but not because understanding, empathy, and meaning are not possible. They are simply not always on terms that are easy to accept. This depression of creative people does not have to be physiological, nor does it necessarily respond to pharmaceutical treatments.?

When I first read that in the book, I was doubtful about his theory. In fact, it was very confusing to me. It was so different than my usual mode of thought that it made my head ache. The more I read, however, the more I am convinced that he is really on to something here. I think many of my own depressive episodes actually do stem from a search for meaning in my life and the things I do.

The truth of this is comforting in a way, you know? It helped me realize that I am no longer at the complete mercy of the anti-depressant manufactures to pull my ass out of a slump. I feel like Maisel has given me a huge insight into my own thinking patterns, and I know I am the only one who is responsible for those. I could just never recognize where I was going wrong before.

Anyway, check out the book if you are so inclined. It?s a goodie.

I only give you guys the goodies.

Missing my girl..

June 26, 2003 | 6 Comments

Tuesday’s rambling about nothing.

June 24, 2003 | 3 Comments

It?s 92F here with a 101F heat index. Nasty, nasty. I stayed inside all day and soaked up the coolness. I swear, if the guy who invented air conditioning was standing in front of me today, I would have soul-kissed him until he needed to be thrown out into the heat just to chill down.

Yeah, my kisses can do that to a fella.

Hey, if you can do it, it ain?t braggin?. It?s truthin?? :)~

Alrighta, here are two things you need to get it you don?t have them already:

The first is Spy Sweeper, which is available at www.tucows.com as freeware. Holy crapola, this program found spies, adware and cookies on my machine that were buried in unbelievable places! Some of the stuff was even embedded in the comp?s memory, and was being missed by the other spy-killer application that I have, Ad-aware.

I?m serious; do yourself a big favor and download a copy of Spy Sweeper today. It will make a huge difference in how smoothly your comp runs.

The second application is a fantastic spam eliminator called Spamnix. The sole drawback is that it only works with the email program Eudora. If you run Eudora (which is the best email client, in my opinion, and available for use free in the sponsored mode) you have to try Spamnix. I?ve been using it for 2 days now and it?s nabbed every bit of junk mail that has tried to get through to my inbox, without a single mistake yet. I?ve tried lots of applications like this, but this is the best so far.

Spamnix is shareware, free to use for the first 30 days, then you must purchase it if you want to keep it. Go HERE to get yours copy.

Ok, I just looked up the information on the inventor of air conditioning, Willis Haviland Carrier. He was handsome in a geeky sort of way. All of that cuteness and the ability to cool the hot summer air in a girl’s bedroom? You know I?m not the only one who would have been soul-kissin? the dude. He probably got more play in his day than Snoop Dogg at Mardi Gras.

“Sweltering Housewife Gone Wild!”

Whaaaat? You really didn’t expect a titty-flash did you? You animals. Hahahaha.

I had therapy yesterday with Dr. K ? the first time in 3 weeks — and we got all caught up on the tedious drama that is my life. Sometimes I get so sick of therapy that I never want to go again, then other times I wonder how I make it through a week without a shrinkage session.

Yesterday?s hot topics included my ongoing research about gastric bypass surgery; my relationship with my sisters; the dorkiness of my parents in general; and my anger at my dad in specific.

But I think I?ll save the rest of this story for another time. Just going over things in my mind again wears me out. I told you: it’s tedious, tedious.

Meh.

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