How was your day?

July 29, 2003 | 9 Comments

Mine was pretty good. Typical late summer day in Iowa. A little humid, a little hazy, and lots of ?back-to-school? sales going on.

I love the back-to-school sales. When I was a kid, it was one of the most exciting times of the year for me next to Christmas. It used to be so much fun to walk through all of the downtown shops with my mom, picking out new clothes, shoes, paper and pencils, and ooooh? CRAYONS.

I shall confess this to you: today I went to the school supply aisle at Target and sniffed the boxes of new crayons. Oh sure, I have tons of them at home, but for some reason they smell different when they are still at the store. Hee. Virgin crayolas. They have the scent of impending magic upon them.

(I bet I could make a perfume called “Virgin Crayolas” and it would haul in a fortune! *Making a note to myself on this one…*)

I?ll tell you another secret, too. When I am out doing my annual crayon sniffing each fall, I always stop and say a silent prayer over all of the art supplies in the back-to-school section. I ask that the little kids who use them have fun and experience the pure joys of creating. I ask that if there is a child who needs to depend on their art skills in order to survive or make sense of the world (the way that I did) that they be especially blessed with an abundance of supplies. I ask that the pictures they draw, the rainbows that they paint, and all of the cutting and pasting they do with their busy little hands, go out into the world to make it a better, more loving place.

Lastly, I take out a $5 bill and write on it: ?Please buy a kid some more crayons,? then I fold it up tightly and tuck it into one of the boxes and put it back on the shelf.

Even little sticks of colored wax are powerful things when the right person gets them at the right time.

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Monday morning marchin’ through my head…

July 28, 2003 | 3 Comments

Yeah, I?m about as suave as a fart in a perfume factory. And to top it off, now I?m hungry for M&Ms?

Click the pic to see which M&M you are. (I bet you’re GREEN, you little lust-weasel.)

I can?t sleeeeeeeeep. I hate it when insomnia strikes. The worst thing is that I slept for a little while ? just enough to feel somewhat perky ? and now I am awake. Probably until morning. Fuckity fuck. I don?t dare make too much noise either because it will wake up the kittens and they?ll want to play and tear around the house.

(Shhhhh.. shhhhh? type more quietly, you fool.)

I am really enjoying the company of the little wildcats and love them a lot already. The only problem so far has been with Randy?s freakish suckling habit. He won?t use his binky anymore. He wants FLESH, dammit. So, I?ve taken to rubbing lemon oil all over my arms, throat, and earlobes. It works wonderfully! He turns up his little nose and runs. Unfortunately I smell like a big can of furniture polish or something.

He?s got to get over this urge sooner or later, doesn?t he? (Say yes.)

I?ve got so much to do this week and I don?t want to do any of it. The most dreaded chore is going to campus and checking the condition of my slide library. It was in fine shape when I left it at the end of the semester, but since I?m not the only one who has access to it, I never know what to expect. I don?t want any major surprises at the beginning of the semester, though, so I better look in on things.

I always have these ?what if?? thoughts happen when I feel anxious about something.

Like, what if a water pipe burst somewhere above my slide library and all of the files from Medieval through 19th Century have been wiped out?

What if some students decided to play a practical joke and went in and mixed up about 30, 000 slides?

What if all of the dried up, antiquated identification labels decided to peel off every single slide and I wasn?t smart enough to re-identify them!?

Oh gawd. Then they would all see that I don’t know my stuff. I would be exposed for the art history fraud that I am.

?*GASP* She?s not an art historian! She?s just a…a… PAINTER!”

Arrrrgh. There?s a therapy session in there somewhere, I tell ya.

Speaking of painting and what not, the studio is getting closer and closer to completion. After sanding down the floor last week ? and seeing that it cleaned up pretty well — Agent J and I decided to simply varnish it instead of painting it. He put on two coats this weekend and we?ll probably finish it up on Tuesday night.

I think that varnish-y smell lingering around might be the reason I?m not sleeping so great tonight. I get hyper-alert to things like that. Sometimes I wonder how well I really sleep at all unless I am zonked out and comatose on Ambien. Oh sure, I might look like I?m snoozing, but all of my senses are on emergency standby, just a-waitin’ for a catastrophe.

It?s tough being the world?s watchdog, you know? But I make it look so easy?

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“The Friday Five” on a Saturday afternoon

July 26, 2003 | 2 Comments

It was thought provoking this week, so I decided to play. You can too, you know. Just go here —> The Friday Five.

1. If your life were a movie, what would the title be?

?Just A Splash of Pink?

2. What songs would be on the soundtrack?

In the following order…

“Brown-Eyed Girl” ? Van Morrison
“Caldonia” ? BB King
“Pink” ? Aerosmith
“Am I The Same Girl” ? Swing Out Sister
“If You See Her, Say Hello” ? Bob Dylan
“Me and Mrs. Jones” — Billy Paul
“Hound Dog” (Live version) — Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thorton
“Just Like Heaven” ? The Cure
“The Notre Dame Fight Song” (played out of tune and with the cadence of a death march?)
“Hallelujah” ? Jeff Buckley

3. Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?

Live action, of course! I feel that a good actor can relay emotion much better than a cartoon character ever could. Besides, the academy would take it more seriously if it wasn?t an animated feature film. I?m going for an Oscar you know.
4. Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?

I would have to play ?me?? no one else has the charm, attitude, mirth or girth.
Jim Belushi could play Agent J. Big, goofy, sweet, and loving, with an endless boyishness.
Jack Nicholson could play my dad. (Think of his character in ?Terms of Endearment,? astronaut Garrett Breedlove.)
Billy Bob Thornton would work as The Count. He?s got a fine combination of humor, moodiness, temper and creativity.
Doris Roberts would star as my mom. She could play the same character that she does on ?Everybody Loves Raymond? and it would be the perfect fit. Scary!
If I could combine Joe Pesci with Anthony Hopkins, that would be the ideal mixture of my friend and mentor, Tom. Hahaha.
Kevin Spacey would do nicely as Dr. K.
Randy and Maizey would play themselves and I?d find a mysterious, fluffy black cat to play the role of Miss Tashie?s ghost, my spiritual advisor.

5. Describe the movie preview/trailer.

Brief, silly snapshots from the film, followed by the phrase: ?There goes that nice Ms. Pink… She?ll love ya like a fat kid loves cake!?

*****

That was fun! I hope your Saturday is going well. Mine is busy, humid and jam-packed with research for school. More newsy news tomorrow…

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Woo hoo!

July 23, 2003 | 3 Comments

Yes, yes? I changed the design again. I like this one a lot. I have a thing for flares, spheres, sparkles and light. Sometimes I wonder if unexpected flashes of light are spirits passing from one side of the universe to the other.

Then again, it could just be the paparazzi hunting me down.

Someone sent me this link in the mail this morning and I?ve laughed about it all damn day. (That someone was The Count? he?s notorious for corrupting sweet Yankee girls like myself, you know.) Go HERE for a good chuckle?

I told Agent J that I am going to get him a pair of the hot pink ones for Christmas this year. He about choked on his Coke. Come to think of it, I might get a set for everyone on my list this year. Everyone needs a good pair of swingers like these.

Ahhh… voila! My holiday shopping is done and it?s not even the end of July. :)~

More tomorrow, gang. I?d write a while longer but I got my back adjusted at the chiropractor today and it really wiped me out. Night night ~ ~ ~ I?m off to dream about sparkles, spheres and ? uh? balls.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Dodged that bullet.

July 23, 2003 | Leave a Comment

For some reason ? after 4 years of threatening to do so ? Agent J?s sister called this morning and asked if it would be all right if she and Daddy Al (their pop) came for a visit this weekend.

Um, like NOOOOOOOOooo.

I?d like more than 3 days notice before people decide to drop in for a few long, harrowing days. To be honest, I?m finally getting my brain de-warped from when my parents were here about 10 days ago. I?ve just recently stopped twitching from that experience.

I explained this to J and he wholeheartedly agreed. So, he called Linda (the sis) back tonight and rescheduled for some time in August, which is fine. And just give me more than 3 days warning, people. That?s all I ask.

By August, the studio will be completely finished and the main floor will be organized again. Right now, getting through the dining room is like stumbling through that hedge maze in the movie ?The Shining.? I can handle *my* relatives seeing the place like this, but not J?s family members; I?d die from embarrassment. They were raised in a white-glove inspected, sterile environment where knick-knacks were alphabetically arranged on the shelves and dust was too afraid to settle on the coffee table.

I prefer a middle ground. Comfortably lived-in and clean; not anal-retentive and antiseptic. Got to have a few germs around to keep your immune system alert and functioning, you know. (Hey, that?s my reasoning and I?m sticking to it. So there.)

Today was my little sister Deb?s second 39th birthday. She plans on having many. She simply refuses to turn 40 — this year or any year. Poor babe. She has a phobia about aging, I think.

So of course I sent her a huge bouquet of flowers to ease the pain a bit.

J said that I should have asked the florist to fashion them into a enormous number 40 so she?d have to come to terms with reality whenever she walked by the arrangement. Wouldn’t that be a cold slap in the face each time?
I told him that I should have instructed the card to read: ?Dear Sis? If you happen to die first, would an arrangement like this be ok for your funeral??

Hahahahaha.

Then we both chuckled about how they should make a flower poke that looks like the Grim Reaper?s scythe and it could hold the little Happy Birthday message in the bouquet.

Yes, I know, it?s sick. I?ve just never had a problem with my own aging or death, though. I just figure that I?m fucking lucky to have made it this far, so I?m not going to whine about things. However, Agent J is a little more apprehensive and prefers not to ponder too deeply on such events. As if thinking about aging or death might make it happen sooner or not thinking about it will ward it off somehow. Hee. Silly man.

The kittens were weird and wild today, as per usual. Maizey has learned the game of ?fetch? which was something that one of our previous cats, Tequila Bill, used to play. I never thought I?d see another one do this. She chased down and brought her toy back to me at least 25 times in a row, jumping up into my lap for praise and petting. I am quickly beginning to adore her.

Now, Randy? ?El Binko?? ?The Great Randini?? ?The Four-Pawed Tyrant?? is another story altogether. He is into everything and is having a ball. Every time I look up he is doing some dare-devil act or defying gravity somehow. I half expect him to stop meowing one day and just start saying ?Tah-DAHHHHHHHH!? as he leaps out from who-knows-where.

They should make something like Ritalin for hyperactive kittens.

KITALIN. That?s it! Randy could be the spokescat and his little, lovey, puss-face could be plastered on the package like the Gerber baby?s. Bwahaha.

You know, it’s times like this when I simply can?t figure out why I?m not a millionaire yet.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized