Caution: Severe bitchiness ahead.

August 29, 2003 | 6 Comments

I think this will be the second time in the history of my journal that I have ever mentioned this ? or even blamed anything on it ? but here goes:

PMS.

It is real. It exists.

I am possessed by it right now and I feel like a ferocious beast from hell. I look even worse. I might even smell ferocious, I don?t know. Frankly, I don?t care. If your nose is that close to me you deserve whatever hell you get.

Don?t. Mess. With. Me.

There. Just had to get that little public service announcement out of the way.

Today?s weather was vaguely tolerable. At least it wasn?t fucking sweltering like it has been the past 10 days or so. The air conditioning in my car needs a re-charge in the worst way, though. It blows out this piss-temperatured air that only makes me want to kill everyone in the lanes next to me, or slam on my brakes so the tailgating pinhead behind me eats my bumper. But cooler weather will be here soon, so I don?t know if I should spend the bucks now or wait until next spring.

Perhaps for everyone?s safety I should just do it now, eh?

Aw, fuck it. Let’s just live all steamy and dangerous ’til next year.

In today?s other jolly news: therapy sucked; that bitch I work with gossips waaaaaay too much; I was locked out of the art building tonight and had to wait 20 !@#$% minutes for the &^%$# security guard to schlep his fat ass over and let me in while mosquitoes ate me alive; my school computer has worms, and I had an allergic reaction to my allergy shots this afternoon.

I could be a big baby and cry for my mommy, but we all know how nuts she makes me, so that?s out of the question. Fuckity fuck.

Ok, tomorrow with be better. It always is. There will be less snarling, I promise.

It helped to rant.

If you are still reading this, thanks for listening. Or reading.

Whatever.

You know what I mean.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

My sweet, bratty kittens

August 27, 2003 | 6 Comments

Omigod, they are being absolute boogers lately.

After resorting to temporarily placing double-stick tape on the counter tops a couple of weeks ago to dissuade Randy and Maizey from messing around up there, Agent J and I decided that we were only kidding ourselves with the fantasy that it would train them.

It actually worked until today.

Today I came home from campus and they had obviously been dancing all over the kitchen counters all afternoon. They found their treat bag, chewed it open and had a snacking frenzy. They knocked pots and pans onto the floor. They trimmed all of my vines that I have started to root in water on the windowsill. Heaven only knows what they plunked their little kitty buttholes on. (Ew, ew, ew.) I’m just thankful they didn?t break anything and cut their little toes up!

I guess while mama cat is away, the kittens will play? and play? and PLAY. :P~

And we can?t really scold them unless we catch them in the act of misbehaving ? otherwise they just think we are raving idiots having a hissy fit for no reason whatsoever. And there?s nothing worse than getting the uppity ?What-the-hell-is-your-problem, human?? look from your cat. It?s so demeaning.

So I?m not sure what we will try next, if anything. With our last batch of cats we just had to wait 10 years until they were too old, chunky, and arthritic to climb all over everything.

Oy.

School is going well, but it?s a great deal more time consuming than it was last semester with only teaching two classes. It?s amazing how much work one extra course can dump on you. I?m also still admitting new students to each of the classes, and that?s got to stop. I?ve got to draw the line somewhere, so whoever isn?t signed up by Friday won?t get in. (Where can I hide until after Friday? Hehe.)

In weather-related news, this rampant heat wave is supposed to break by Friday morning. Thank goodness. There will be much celebration and dancing in the streets. We Iowans can only take the heat and humidity so long before we start getting cranky, pissed off and eager to unmercifully beat anyone who crosses our paths.

Ok, not all Iowans get that way. Just this one.

Besides, our house is getting ?air conditioning whiff.? You know, where the aroma of everything you have cooked in the past week is still lingering in the air, along with random farts and spritzes of cologne. We needs to air this mutha out, cha-cha. The sooner, the better.

Lastly, I have no definite plans for Labor Day weekend other than researching about The Rosetta Stone and Egyptian hieroglyphics for one of my classes and, of course, sleeping in late. It will be good. I look forward to behaving like a bed slug once again.
That?s all for now, my friends. I?ll write again soon. ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

I have…..

August 25, 2003 | 3 Comments

The best job on Earth! (Remind me that I said this around Thanksgiving when I am ready to pull all my hair out and scream like a banshee. Hehe.)

It really was fun today, though. The students are all excited to be back and had lots of questions about what we?ll be doing this semester. Most of them seem ready to dive right in; of course, the freshmen are a bit leery and intimidated, but that?s to be expected.

I look at how young and na?ve many of them seem, and I really can?t recall ever being that way. They are like babies. I mean, I know that some of them have never even washed a load of their own grungy underwear by themselves before, and here they are, turned loose on the world. It?s kind of scary when you think of it that way.

I?m going to keep my eye out for the kids who show up with big bleach-splotches on their clothes and pink t-shirts and socks. Those will be the dangerous ones. :p~ The treacherous newbies who don?t know their ass from a spin cycle.

I pretty much avoided most of my colleagues again today. You know what I?m not used to? Water-cooler chitchat and campus gossip. Oh sure, I?ll do that with my close friends and I?ll rant and rave in this journal, but I don?t know how to handle it in a work situation. There is one woman here (a superior) who has already told me much more than I should ever know about my co-workers. I?m scared to reveal anything personal to her because I know she?ll throw it out as grist for the gossip mill. Ugh.

And she won?t take a hint either. When she starts in on a hearsay story about someone, I try to change the subject, but it?s like she doesn?t even realize it and just keeps going. It?s almost creepy in a way. She turns into The Mouth That Cannot Be Silenced.

I have to learn how to handle that. This could call for some delicate maneuvering.

Is it hot where you are? It was fucking stifling here today. Hotter than the devil?s armpit in a sauna. My classroom was ok, but the air conditioner in my office is still on the ?install list? and that sucks. Luckily I have this box fan that blows like a turbo jet, so that made it tolerable.

So that pretty much describes my first day: hot, wind-blown and happy. Kind of like hang gliding, only indoors and with books.

More reports from the front line tomorrow, my friends. Have a great Tuesday!

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

I know, I know…

August 24, 2003 | 2 Comments

I?ve been meaning to write all damn weekend but this is the first chance I?ve had ? really! I bet you?re just dying to hear about how the faculty dinner went, huh?

It was FANTASTIC!
Well, ok, the food was so-so, but everything else went wonderfully. We sat with some interesting people and got to know them a little better. One of them was a chemistry professor who swore that I took a class from him 12 years ago. I told him that it couldn?t have been me ? must have been someone else. He insisted though. Everyone at the table had a good chuckle when I finally confessed that I *did* go to the first meeting of one of his classes but everything he talked about seemed so mind-numbingly complicated that it scared me to death and I dropped the course the very next day. I told him that I couldn?t get out of the science building fast enough. I said that I now model all of my first class meetings after his just so I can weed out the slackers. That cracked him up. Hee.

The next good thing: Dr K. was not there. Whew! His wife was though ? and I am pretty good friends with her through the school ? so I am sure he got the scoop on how things went. (Yeah, right. Patient confidentiality. Har-dee-har-har. You know they talk me! How could they not? I?m so damned fascinating.) He?ll try to play it cool when we have our session this week, just watch.

Additional good thing: Two people asked me if I would like to have solo art shows in the upcoming months! One on campus in the big gallery and one off campus at a non-academic location. Color me stunned. Of course, I told both of them yes. I am trying not to panic about it now. If I wasn?t so freaked out about classes starting tomorrow I know I?d be giving myself a mini-ulcer over these art exhibitions.

The best thing that happened at the banquet was my introduction. I still haven?t been able to soak it all in yet, it was that good! My supervisor, Tom ? who was also my first painting mentor, stood before the entire audience and praised my talent, intellect, work ethic and creativity. He said that in the 25 years he has been teaching college, I am the best painter he has ever worked with.

You have to understand, this guy is so well respected and admired in this city ? hell, this entire region — that he practically has a cult following. I was so honored to hear him say those words about me. Then I had to stand and all these people were applauding for me. Gah.

It was all very surreal. I can kind of remember it in my mind if I concentrate hard enough.

One of the funniest things was when Tom told the group that I was the #1 choice out of hundreds of candidates for the grad school position I received at Notre Dame. People heard those two words ? Notre Dame ? and there was an audible ?Oooooh? that went through the room.

Agent J and I just looked at each other and chuckled. If only they all knew what a nightmare being at that place really was for me. Yeeeeesh. The name of the school carries such weight, though, it?s amazing. Now that I see what it can do, I?m going to milk it for all it?s worth. Hah.

So, anyway, that was how the big night out went. I?m now officially a faculty member and no longer a student. I sure like it better on this side of the field.

The kittens made it through their snip-snip surgeries in fine shape. I don?t think Randy even noticed anything happened to him! He came tearing into the house like he was king of the jungle, just like he always has. Maizey was a little tender when we brought them home on Saturday, but today she was running around at top speed again. I can?t imagine having a complete hysterectomy and then jumping up onto places that are 4 times my height two days later.

Holy crap. I stub my toe real hard and I shuffle around like Ozzy Osbourne for a week. And I whine about it the whole time, too.

Animals are amazing to me. Especially these two little furballs. I wish I could bottle their energy and just take a huge swig of it every morning.

Alrighta, it?s time for this chickie to hit the sheets. Tune in next time and find out how the first day of school went!

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Finito!

August 22, 2003 | 4 Comments

Yay! Three wicked-ass syllabi, now complete and ready to go to the print shop this morning. These babies should weed out the faint of heart. Hehe. It actually felt good to get each of the course outlines down in black and white; I enjoy the structure of having a map. I sound real competent on paper, too.

And, yes? another Daily Double is coming your way. I find that these things make me go off on a therapeutic rant for some reason. It?s a Good Thing.

1. What was the last kind of insect you squished?

It was a bee! The dang thing was in my car and wouldn?t leave when I asked politely, so it got The Big Pink Kleenex of Death squished on it. Poor thing. What a way to go.

2. If there was an actor/athlete/political figure you could squish like a bug, who would it be, why and how would you squish them?

I couldn?t choose just *one* you know. (Insert evil cackle here…)

First, I?d tie Jeanine Garofalo, Susan Sarandon, Martin Sheen, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, and Barbra Streisand all together in a big, fat, arrogant, leftist- propaganda-spewing wad.

Next I?d throw Jane Fonda?s bony ass on top of the heap for good measure because she?s got it coming, too.

Finally, I?d drop a World-Trade-Center-sized building on their empty heads and squish them like the commie cockroaches they are. Ahhhhhh!

Maybe THEN they would get a fucking clue about why the US is at war with terrorist elements in the world.

Any more of you Hollywood wussie activists want a piece of this? That’s right — I didn’t *think* so…

Um, yeah. I still need to cut back on the caffeine.

Anyway, I?ll write more later after all of today?s exciting events unfold.

I hope your Friday is faboo and squishless, my friends!

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized