The Viral Death-Grip

September 28, 2003 | 3 Comments

This is the last known mugshot of the virus that apparently crawled up my nasal passages on Saturday evening and decided to camp out for a while. It?s a brute. Congestion, cough, body aches and extreme fatigue. (I?ve been awake for 3 hours today and feel like I am ready for bed again, it?s that bad.)

After it has had it?s way with me, I am sure The Crud will be looking for another victim.

If you see The Crud, for the love of God and all things holy, run in the other direction.

More later, if I pull through? ~ ~ ~ *pathetic whimper*

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Finally!!

September 27, 2003 | 2 Comments

I am now writing to you from my new computer area in my new studio! I think I am now beginning to believe that this two-year remodeling ordeal is almost over. Agent J keeps saying ?It looks so much smaller now with furniture in it?? ? and I have to bite my tongue in order not to mention being cooped up in that teeny, tiny bedroom as an office and crammed into the dining room as a make-shift studio since I?ve been back from Notre Dame. This loft is like a huge, friggin warehouse in comparison.

Pics will be coming soon. I just have to get a few more things put away first. :)~

I held review sessions for two of my classes today; they each have an exam on Monday. We?ve gone over and over the material several times, yet some of the kids were still asking questions about things they really should have known by now. I was actually kind of shocked.

I can?t quite tell what is going on. I know these kids are smart, and I know for damn sure that I am a good teacher. For some bizarre reason things just don?t sink in for many of them. (Did you know that the average college freshman needs to hear something repeated 7 times before they remember it? It?s true! It was in a study that the faculty received data on this week. Unfuckingbelievable, but true.)

I think some of them are lazy, too. You can be both smart and lazy. I know because I went through periods of that during my educational career. It was an awful, conflicted feeling.

The problem that I have right now is wondering where I should set my level of expectation with them. For instance, when I took World Masterpieces as a student, my professor was practically a Nazi about us learning the material. For each test, we would have to study at least 40 different slides. He would then choose about 15-20 of them during the test, and we would have to identify the images with the title, artist, and exact date. The essay questions that he prepared for the exams always required at least two of those ?blue books? to answer them sufficiently. He rarely had anything as simple as True or False questions, preferring instead the dreaded fill-in-the-blank kind. He was ferocious about spelling and would deduct points for each misspelled word. Misspell the name of a major artist and you would really get marked up with the red pen. And we *never* had a review session before any test, because he was cramming us with material right up until the last class meeting before the exam.

Now these kids? oye.

They expect to have a study sheet prepared for them containing a list of terms that might be on the test. They ask to have the exact page numbers from the text where they can find what they need to study — instead of just reading the whole chapter and knowing the material. They require a slide review session and practically ask to be told which ones will be on the test. They complain because some of the words are in a foreign language. They want to know if ?spelling matters??

When someone asked that today, I almost choked and wanted to say ?Of course it matters you silly little fucktwit!?

Damn, I swear to God if anyone misspells Leonardo da Vinci or Sandro Botticelli on the test I?ll cry. Then I?ll mark the hell out of their paper with my nasty red pen. Grrr.

Part of the problem is that when I was taking art history courses at this school, the classes were first offered to the art majors and the few spaces left over were filled with students taking them as humanity electives. Now that the studio major is being eliminated, 90% of the art history classes are filled with students from other majors. They aren?t as fanatical about learning the material ? they just want to get a little culture and look at the purty pictures.

It?s frustrating. I feel as if I have to dumb-down the material that I care about so much, and I hate that. It might take a few years of teaching before I can find the correct balance without wanted to smack the piss out of the low-expectation-having little dorks.

Geezus, I can?t believe I am writing so much. I guess that?s what happens when therapy sessions go to three weeks apart. It’s got to come out somewhere. Yakity yak yak? :)~

More yakking later. Have a good Saturday, k? I think I?ll be painting through most of it.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Humpity-hump Day

September 24, 2003 | 1 Comment

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I’m off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don’t understand.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

You’re damn skippy I live in another world at times. I used to feel strange because of that. Now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’m so glad this week is almost over. Even though I may seem to enjoy minor tussles with others on occasion, the stress of it all really gets to me. There’s still a small part of me that longs for the approval of others and any confrontational situation just gnaws on that part like it’s a vulnerable bone.

Mr. Smartass, even after all of the apologies he slathered on me in his email yesterday, returned to his regular shithead mode today. Everyone else cooperated with the new “no computer” policy very well. However, he sighed dramatically, tapped his pencil on his desk constantly, and twitched impatiently throughout the entire class meeting today. What a fucking baby.

It was all I could do *not* to throw an eraser at his thick skull.

Hopefully he’ll calm down after he’s had a weekend to think about it. If not, I may suggest that he seeks counseling to deal with his CWAD. (Computer Withdrawal Anxiety Disorder)

This Friday is my first payday since last May, and it couldn’t come a moment too soon. I hate it when I don’t have money of my own — that I’ve earned — to spend as I wish. It cramps my style. It makes me feel panicky for some odd reason.

Don’t get me wrong; Agent J happily gives me any amount that I ask for when I’m not working. I just dislike asking for it. It makes me feel like a dependent. He says that’s not the way I should look at it and that everything brought into our home is just as much mine as his, but I can’t help it. Money had all kinds of gender, power and dependency issues bound with it in the house I grew up in, and it’s hard for me to shake those thoughts from my head.

Now that my studio is up and running again I plan on never having another dry spell with money. I enjoy the independence I feel when I have some coins in my pocket.

Money may not buy happiness, but being self-sufficient definitely boosts my self-esteem.

Alrighta, gang… I’m off to compose a couple of tests that I’ll be administering next Monday. *evil cackle*

I’ll write again soon. xoxoxox ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

The saga continues.

September 23, 2003 | 1 Comment

Last night, I issued a blanket policy to all of my students strictly forbidding the use of notebook computers in all of my classrooms. (Ironically, I was able to send everyone this notification via a computer system called ?Blackboard? which was specifically designed to facilitate electronic communications in the classroom. Heh. Ain’t life just a mean, giggling bitch sometimes?)

So, anyway, they all got the message. One student responded saying that he is involved with the Learning Disability program on campus (which he was supposed to inform me at the beginning of the semester, but didn?t) and that he felt he could stay better organized if he could continue to use his computer to take notes in class. I replied that if he brings me a written request from his LD counselor, I would take it under consideration. However, this same student often sits in the classroom chuckling about whatever is on his comp screen, and I highly doubt it is notes about Leonardo or Botticelli. So I also highly doubt he will be bringing in a note from his counselor.

And guess who else replied? Why, it was Mr. Smartass!

In his email he apologized 3 times for the pissy, disrespectful behavior that he displayed the other day. (He never mentioned anything about all of the previous times, though. Imagine that. Could it be that he doesn?t realize his is being an obnoxious ass-hat most of the time?) Also, he practically begged to be allowed to continue using his computer during class.

This is the reply I sent him — with name changes, of course.

Dear Mr. Smartass,

Thanks for writing and letting me know your thoughts on the computer policy. However, I still have to say ?no? about using the computers for note-taking purposes. They are simply a distraction for too many people and I feel it is best if they are left outside the classroom. My decision on this is non-negotiable.

Please give the old paper and pen method of note-taking another try, Mr. Smartass. You?re an intelligent young man and I am confident you?ll be able to develop a system that is equally as efficient and organized as the computer method you are used to.

Sincerely,

Professor Bitchzilla, She Who Will Not Be Messed With

PS. Even though this topic is no longer on the table for discussion, please feel free to stop by my office any time during office hours. You?re always welcome there.

And I meant that last part. He is welcome. He may be a totally different person when he isn?t performing for a crowd, and I wouldn?t mind discovering that for myself.

We?ll see what comes of this. Class meets tomorrow and I have a feeling it will be a very different atmosphere. I?m already hearing scuttlebutt from students and colleagues about what happened in Monday?s session ? all in my favor, too ?so now I don?t feel bad about having to be such a hardass anymore.

That?s all the time I have for tonight. But I?ve written two days in a row now ? and that deserves a round of applause!

(Oh, knock it off. I hear you golf-clapping out there?) :)~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Hey, Gang…

September 22, 2003 | 2 Comments

Thanks for sticking with me and tolerating the drought of postings lately. It?s crazy here right now with school, the house, the studio, etc. Throw in 100 emails that need to be answered and you just know it?s a party at Chez Pinkity Pink! :)~

Now all I need is for my in-laws to call and say they?re coming for a visit next week. (Oh, gawd. If that happens, I’ll be praying for a stray bullet from next door to cap my fat butt.)

Remember my belligerent student, Mr. SmartAss? The one who refused to put away his notebook computer in class? Wellllll? we had a heated discussion today at the end of class. Same topic, different day. It told him that the next time he does it, he?ll be asked to leave and will receive an unexcused absence for the day. The little shit had the nerve to get loud and lippy with me and try to argue.

I explained to him that he really didn?t want to lock horns with me in front of all of his classmates, and that we could discuss it further in my office. Or the Dean?s office. Whichever he preferred. That sent him away muttering and grumbling. Heh. The little prick.

I overheard one of young women in the class say to her friends as they were leaving: ?What makes that guy think he can talk back to a professor? I?d never even dream of doing something like that?? All of the others with her agreed.

Thank heavens there are still some students who know how to behave. But, honestly, I am really bothered by the ones that don?t. I am seeing more and more of it; it?s becoming a disturbing trend on many campuses. I blame the permissive parenting that is so rampant in our society today. The same kids grow into young adults who think they run the show. Some people are going to be learning things the hard way, I guess.

I?ve got Johnny Cash on the brain lately.
With all of the work I?ve been doing, I decided I needed some background music to help me focus. I fired up some Cash and now I?m stuck in the groove. Just his old stuff like ?I Walk The Line?, ?Jackson?, ?Folsom Prison Blues?, etc, and it?s been going on for days now. All I can say is that my parents must have gone through a similar phase while I was growing up, because I know every damn word to all of those songs and I don?t even know when I learned them! It?s funny and spooky at the same time. Stuff crawls into your brain cells and stays there forever. No shit.

This time around, however, I am listening to the lyrics and appreciating them in a very different way. ?I Walk the Line? completely different to me now. It?s about loyalty, true love, commitment, and being hopelessly devoted to someone. It?s rare nowadays for a singer/songwriter to word it all so simply. All rolled up in that funky, rock-a-billy sound, too. (What a combination, eh?)

I Walk The Line

?I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you’re mine,
I walk the line

I find it very, very easy to be true
I find myself alone when each day is through
Yes, I’ll admit I’m a fool for you
Because you’re mine,
I walk the line

As sure as night is dark and day is light
I keep you on my mind both day and night
And happiness I’ve known proves that it’s right
Because you’re mine,
I walk the line

You’ve got a way to keep me on your side
You give me cause for love that I can’t hide
For you I know I’d even try to turn the tide
Because you’re mine,
I walk the line.?

***

Now, if that ain?t LOVE I don?t know what is.

I miss Johnny Cash already, but I am grateful to be rediscovering his music in a new way at this time in my life. Long live The Man in Black.

We?ve been moving furniture and studio equipment upstairs all weekend. The space that once seemed huge is now filling up and becoming wonderfully cozy. It?s like my own private hide-away up there. Everything is pretty much finished now except the window trims, closet doors and the banister. Agent J said that he has no problem working around my schedule for those things, though. Yay! … ?Cause if I had to endure the chaos our house has been in for one more day, I think I would have gone completely nuts.

Being partially nuts is enough to deal with.

More later, when I get a chance to hit the keyboard again. Bye for now, friends ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized