EvIL CaCkLe

March 31, 2004 | 6 Comments

April Fool?s Day is tomorrow and I don?t have any good pranks to play. Nothing, baby ? I got nothing!! I knew I should have started my scheming earlier, but this damn teaching job gets in the way of all of my nefarious activities.

But I have to pull a good one over on someone. The day would seem incomplete without it. I may have to resort to the old rubber-band-around-the-handle-of-the-kitchen-sink-sprayer trick and let Agent J get a good spritz first thing in the morning.

I tell you what I?d love to do; I?d love to get one of these things and put it in the women?s restroom somewhere on campus, and wait outside to hear the screams. It might literally scare the pee out of some of ?em. Too bad none of the toilet seats have lids attached to them anymore.

The Bog Monster!

I?d use The Bog Monster here at home, but it would give J a valid excuse to leave the toilet seat up for the rest of our life together.

So, I got nothing.

(Or… do I really have something, and I?m just trying to get everyone to let their guard down? Bwwwwaaahahaha….)

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Addiction, feline accessories, and bone-deep apathy.

March 29, 2004 | 4 Comments

If they discover that drinking mass quantities of this stuff is dangerous, I am in big trouble, kids. I am totally addicted to it ? but just the unsweetened kind; the other flavors suck. The first thing I do when I come home in the afternoon is make a one-quart sippy bottle of my Nestea and walk around like a toddler who?s overly possessive of his pacifier.

It?s sick, I know. But it?s soooooo gooood.

The only bad thing is that the stores around here tend to sell out of it pretty quickly. Oh sure, there are other bottles of the crappy flavored stuff sitting there on the shelf, but some other schmoe can buy that. I?ll search until I find the good stuff. I swear I?m going to start buying it by the case until I find a reliable source. I went the weekend without it and it was awful.

Gawd. It sounds like I am talking about crack or something. But try it. I bet you’ll become addicted too. Then we can fight over the last bottle of it at the store. Hi—YAH!

I saw this online last night and I busted out laughing:

I could never buy that for any cat in my life. First off, because it?s ridiculously priced and costs more that the bed *I* sleep in now ? and secondly, because I would be so envious of any animal that slept in it that it would keep me awake at night.

Arrrrgh! If it?s hot pink and covered in fluffy feathers, I want it all for myself, dammit! I want to roll around in it until I am exhausted, giggling and giddy. (That bizarre fetish makes me wonder if I was a horny flamingo in a past life. Hehe.)

Wouldn’t you know it, though? The frou-frou bed of my dreams and it only comes in a size big enough for a Persian cat’s fat ass.

Now, about this apathy thing. You all know that I love teaching and I especially love my students. However, I am butt-deep in the absolute worst case of academic apathy I?ve ever experienced in my lifetime. It?s worse than any case of Senior-itis I had during any of my graduating semesters ? even at Notre Dame. (And that is saying a lot. I was ready to kill to get out of that place.)

I just want this semester over. Over. OVER, I SAY!

Most of it has to do with the uncertainty and bullshit of the curriculum change next year. I?ve given up trying to predict what?s going to happen and how many classes I?ll get to teach.

In fact, I?ve decided that if the scheduling doesn’t go as planned and I can?t have my surgery until later in the summer, I?m going to take care of myself first and worry about what the school needs later. Maybe if they do without a dedicated adjunct faculty member to cover all the bases for a semester, they?ll get their shit together and make some decisions about what they want to do. And if they would hire someone in my place, so be it. It just means there?s something better for me out there. Which I am starting to think may be the case anyway.

So, the sooner this semester is finished, the better for all involved. Thirty nine days and counting.

(”I think I can… I think I can… I think I can… “)

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Look out — mood swing coming through…

March 28, 2004 | 3 Comments

My moods seem very out of control lately. I don’t know if it’s stress-related or what, but it ain’t purty, kids. When I get this way, I wish I could just go to sleep for a month and wake up when it’s over.

There’s some evidence of the mood swings in the rest of this entry. After I wrote it, I looked it over and thought -whoa– I went from cranky to happy in just a paragraph or two. And it’s not just in my writing or thinking. I feel it in my body when it’s happening. Cranky = I need to punch something now. Happy = I want to hug someone or something and kiss them on the nose now.

My moods have been rollercoastering like this for about two weeks. I hope it settles down soon, because it makes me feel crazy.

On to the Mutterings…

Pitbull:: ghetto guard dog
TD:: touch down
Carter:: Jimmy
Japan:: high-tech
50:: 50
Streak:: winning
Rifle:: hunting
Trap:: tourist
Easter:: bunnies
Mitt:: catcher?s

That was a strange melange of words.

When I was in junior high I wrote an essay for Civics class about how Jimmy Carter would make a great president and how if I was old enough to vote for him, I?d be the first person in line at the booth on Election Day.

Can you believe it!? Ha! Ha HA! I was so young and ignorant!

Then I went out into the world for 25 more years. I learned that most bleeding- heart liberals are whiners who want to be eternally taken care of by a father figure called Big Government; that they think they can make life ?fair? for everyone if they pout hard enough and re-distribute other people?s money the right way; and that socialism basically sucks the motivation and life-blood out of every nation it invades.

Lessons learned: You have to take care of yourself because no government agency is ever going to do it for you; life will never be fair; and capitalism is the only economic system that motivates people to succeed and prosper. Period.

Sorry, I stopped believing in you, Jimmy Carter. It?s funny how time and experience have a way of instilling a sense of reality in a person.

Hrmm. I didn?t mean to get off on a rant there. Heh. But I sincerely meant everything I said.

Ok, now that was the pessimist in me talking. Now the optimist gets to speak.

I talked with Mama Dory this afternoon. It was actually a good conversation after I got over the feeling of guilt for not having called sooner. It?s definitely been too long.

She had some really great news ? my niece Jessica and her fianc?, Mike, have finally set a wedding date! They?ve been engaged for about a year now, and had always talked about a September 2004 wedding, but have decided to get married this spring instead. I am so happy for both of them. Jessica is gorgeous, brilliant, and very loving; Mike is Prince-Charming-handsome, hardworking, and is absolutely gah-gah over her. It’s obvious to everyone that they are meant for each other.

It?s going to be a small wedding with just family members in attendance, and they plan to say their vows in my sister?s beautiful flower garden — so that will make it all cozy, sweet and romantic.

It?s probably a good thing I live 300+ miles away, because I?d be making a nuisance of myself wanting to help with the planning. I love weddings.

And I have to confess. I am a wedding crier. I?m not kidding you: I could appear in any goofy sitcom or movie cast as the token wedding guest sobber and cry my eyes out without effort or prompting. Something about it just gets to me. So as you can imagine, I?ll probably start tearing up the moment I see Jessie and Mike standing there together. I just want everything to be so good for them, and I want them to have a wonderful life ? my heart just floods over with love, and it comes out my eyes.

But they haven?t seen anything yet ? just wait a few more years when they have kids! Auntie Christine will be driving across the state as soon as Jessica checks into the hospital with labor pains. The car will be loaded with blankies, binkies, woobies, bebe bears and every other fuzzy cute thing I can haul. (I guess Agent J qualifies as fuzzy and cute, so I?ll have to remember to pack him, too. Hee.) Oh, and there?s nothing like holding a newborn member of your family. It feels like magic. For a brief moment, nothing else in the world matters except that little, light-as-a-feather, pink bundle of babyness. It makes me want to hold them and never let go.

Until they poop, that is. Then mommy or daddy can have them back for a few minutes.

Anyway, this wedding news is so wonderful. It?s something fun to look forward to, plus it will bring our family all together again for a happy occasion. I can?t wait!

I hope everyone has a good Monday. I’ve got to be on campus early in the morning, so I’m off to bed here pretty soon.

Sweet dreams… (especially to you, Count… you know I am missing you.**HUGZ**)

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Credit, praise and adulation.

March 27, 2004 | 3 Comments

I want to take a moment to mention the following people and resources which are integral to the whimsy, wit and functioning of my little online publication here. It?s way overdue!

First on the list, and definitely FIRST in my heart is Christine, who hosts my website through My Affordable Host (formerly Dancing Star). I simply cannot sing her praises enough, my friends. The services she provides are fantastic and she is always a joy to work with. She also has the patience of a saint when it comes to dealing with The Holy Terror of HTML. (Uh, yeah. That would be me.)
If you are considering making the leap to Movable Type for your blogging needs, or need great webhosting for any reason, do yourself a favor and contact Christine. She’ll get you up and running in no time.

You can even tell her that I sent you, and hopefully that won?t send her screaming in the other direction. Hahaha.
The vast majority of the cute images and characters that I use on this site are the original creations of Camilla Maria Eriksson a.k.a. ?Millan?. For a $10 yearly fee, you get full access and use of mini-animations, backgrounds, alphabets, and more. Worth every penny and more.
The little calendars that I am using (over there in right column) were made by a wonderful person named Otto. I just love ?em! You really must visit Otto?s site in order to get the full adorable effect! I promise, you?ll be browsing for a loooooong time.
Recently I had some little South Park images in my banner ? they were meant to resemble me ? see?

Anyway, you can make your very own character by going here: South Park Studios.

The only way you can save the characters you make is to take screenshots of them, then edit them in another program, but it?s still pretty cool. Hurry on down to South Park and have some fun, children.
Many people know about this cool Button Maker site, but for those of you who don?t, there’s the linky. You can make all of the funky colored link buttons you want ? like those I have in the left side menu — for free! Perfect fun for the insomniac weblogger.
And finally, I *do* have a couple of different color editors, but sometimes when I simply need a quick reference, I go here: 19 Jump.
Ok, I?ll admit it ? sometimes I just go there to play around and get a chroma fix.

I?m a Technicolor addict. Sue me.

It feels good to give credit where it’s due and express gratitude to those I admire and feel blessed to know. I’m going to make a point to do this sort of thing more often in here. Stay tuned; there’s always more on the way!

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Our cats are WEEEEEEIRD.

March 26, 2004 | 4 Comments

Randy and Miss Maizey share a very strange habit and they?ve been doing it since the first week we brought them home. It?s hilarious, annoying and vaguely insulting at the same time. My mission this weekend will be to get photographic evidence of this behavior just so the world can see what we have to live with.

What do they do, you ask? Well, whenever they get a whiff of anything that is offensive to their little terra-cotta colored noses, they immediately jump next to it and go through the motions of burying it. You know, like a turd in the litter box.

I?d understand if they did this bit of drama when one of Agent J?s pitted out t-shirts hits the floor or something ? hell, that?s only natural, heh — but they do it with anything and everything. Pour a glass of orange juice and Randy will jump up next to it and try to bury it. Scrape, scrape, scrape at the tabletop. Same thing with any sandwich ? especially peanut butter. Then he will turn around and look at you like: Don?t you know better than to eat that turdwich? GAh! He seems to think he is doing you a favor by giving his expert opinion on the matter.

Maizey seems to be most offended by bars of soap, cosmetics, and my favorite perfume. Imagine putting on a $65 an ounce fragrance that you love and then have your cat stand next to you, scraping at the ground and implying that you smell so awful you need to be buried in gravel.

We?re not quite sure what to make of this behavior. None of our previous cats did this. With them, we were just happy when they took the time to bury their poop ? sometimes when they hit the box they would just do a stop-drop-and-run maneuver that left their quarters smelling less than lovely.

But Randy and Maizey are intent on making real or illusionary burial mounds that reach to the heavens. Bizarre.

Anyway, as I said, I am going to get some pics of their weirdness. Maybe I should start an entire section of this page dedicated to photos of them doing the ol? Scrape and Bury move. I could call it: ?Hey, You Stink!? or ?Are You My Turd??

I have to go make sure I have fresh batteries for my camera now. Hehe.

I hope you are looking forward to a good weekend. More later, friends ~ ~ ~

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized