Swinging plants, etc.

June 29, 2004 | 4 Comments

The other night there was a 4.5 earthquake in Iowa. I was awake and experienced it, but had no idea what it was. (It only lasted a few seconds.) The funny part is how I tried to rationalize the fact that the whole house was rocking and rolling. At first I thought it must be my meds. (Ha ha! Ha! I?m such a schmoe.) Then, I thought maybe a couple of trains collided on the tracks a short distance from here, because they sometimes cause a rumbling vibration ? but nope, no crashing sound along with the shaking. Then I thought maybe I imagined the entire thing? but when I looked across the room, one of the hanging plants was still swinging.

A momentary freakout ensued: Holy CRAP! Earthquake! Earthquaaaaaaaaake!

Then, just like flipping a switch, a complete and utter denial and the epitome of tranquility set in. The mere pondering of such possibilities was too much to think about. My life is weird enough without the ground doing the hokey-pokey dance on a whim.

Earthquakes don?t happen in Iowa ? duh, I thought as I toddled off to bed.

Now I know they do (once in a great while) and I am totally intrigued by it. I?m also intrigued by my ability to deny reality as swiftly and completely as I did. Both occurrences were so surreal I want to understand them as much as possible.

That being said, I honestly cannot fathom how people live on the west coast where quakes and big tremors happen on almost a daily basis. I mean, I want to comprehend the phenomenon, but I sure don?t want to live in constant fear of it.

Maybe that?s where the psychological denial comes in handy. I think you?d have to live in that mode if you were there, otherwise you?d be scared every time one of your plants started swinging in the breeze.

In other news, The Weasly eBay Seller had the nerve to write back:

?My apologies for your unhappiness??

That was the entirety of her email. What the hell does that mean anyway?

I wrote back:

?My condolences on your piss-poor eyesight and apparent inability to tell the truth.?

It?s so odd? I feel simultaneously good and bad about telling her off. Heh. It?s easier to be a bitch on a macro, world-wide level; it feels a little shaky to do it on a micro, personal level. I guess it will take some getting used to.

I’m sure I’ll manage somehow.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Some people need a slappin’.

June 28, 2004 | 7 Comments

I’m done being polite to assholes like this. No more Missy Nice Girl. I just shot this off through the ether:

Dear Weasly eBay Seller,

I received my two Pink Rose Fiesta dinner plates today and I have to tell you that I am not happy with them at all. I buy a great deal of Fiesta from eBay sellers and this was my worst purchase to date.

You advertised them as:

“…#1 quality, not seconds and no chips, cracks, crazing or any other minor imperfections that I can tell with my “naked” eye.”

If you can’t see all of the metallic surface scratches (on both plates, front and back!) and deep glaze scratches (on both plate fronts!) then may I suggest you get someone with better eyesight to inspect your items BEFORE you auction them on eBay? This is ridiculous. Sure, there aren’t any “production” flaws in these two plates, but they are CERTAINLY NOT first quality. I could have found nicer ones at a ghetto yard sale.

I don’t believe in leaving bad feedback, so don’t worry about your eBay rating. I just wanted you to know how displeased I am with this transaction.

Sincerely,

C. Thurow

ps. How ’bout I piss on your head and tell you it’s raining?

* * * * *

Ok, I didn’t say that last part, but I felt like it. I guess there’s still a speck of civility left in me.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Digging around.

June 27, 2004 | 2 Comments

Unconscious Mutterings, Week # 73 …

Lounge:: lizard
Photograph:: memory
Catacomb:: tomb
Crucifix:: Christ
Fire drill:: that loud !@#$ alarm
Tube:: top (a.k.a. female redneck formal wear)
Dropped:: on my head
LTD:: a big ol? pimp mobile
Panther:: cougar
Formica:: that 70?s plastic laminate crap

* * * * *

Man, do I feel some major rants coming on. A few topics include:

More hostages being taken in Iraq?

Scott ?The Double Murderer? Peterson?s mind-numbingly stupid Juror #5 ?

Bill Clinton?s smarmy, lying puss showing up EVERYWHERE to hawk that last ditch effort to save his ?legacy??

O.J. Simpson even thinking of doing a reality-type TV show ?

(Hello!?? What the fuck does O.J. know about reality?)

Grrr.

But you know what the worst part is? The realization that I might not be as righteously pissed off about these social injustices and lies as I think I am. I have a deep, lurking suspicion that I?m just using all of these issues as scapegoats. There are things that have actually damaged me in an up-close and personal manner, but I avoid dealing with them. My way of handling it is to continually focus elsewhere. But now the pain is emerging in my work again and I can’t ignore it.

Gah. This is so confusing. Lately I can?t tell if I?d had too many years of therapy or not nearly enough.

I think I?ll just go to sleep now and re-visit all this tomorrow.

I hope your Monday is good.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

Saturday’s here!

June 26, 2004 | 6 Comments

Continuing with the recipe theme?.

How to make an Infinitepink

Ingredients:
1 part anger
5 parts brilliance
3 parts joy

Method:
Layer ingredients in a highball glass. Add a little pink cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability. Serve with a giggle.

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

The real thing used to drive me nuts as a kid whenever I tried to draw a circle? the virtual one is even more maddening. Have fun! Don?t lose your mind.

I wish I had known about this auction. I would have won the bid then smashed the thing with a sledge hammer. Right in front of the kid.

Possibly one of my favorite websites EVER! The Infinite Cat Project! Now if I could just get The Great Randini or Miss Maizey to sit still long enough to snap a picture?

Infinitepink Highway

Sleepytown	6
Paintsville	12
Big Fame City	42
Choco-Town	115
Dyersburg, TN	557
Please Drive Carefully

Where are you on the highway of life?
From Go-Quiz.com

The other night while I was working, I suffered a horrendous bout of “Songus Repetitious” (Latin for: “This damn tune won’t quit playing in my head!”) The worst part of it was that it was the song “La Bamba” by Richie Valenz… and I don’t even speak Spanish. It was torture.

Luckily, I now have the cure. This song will overpower any case of La Bamba-itis that you happen to contract.

Colonel J.D. Wilkes of
The Legendary Shack Shakers
howlin’ “CB Song”

DOWNLOAD it now and be prepared for emergencies.

Sing it, kids. You know the lyrics… “I said-a little honeybunny tell me what’s your 20… I got my rabbit ears on and I wanna get chummy-chummy…”

Finally, Zenda took off on vacation and left the “Moment of Zen” duties to her weird drunken cousin, Angelina. Angelina has unusual aesthetic tastes.

Posted by Christine | Filed Under Uncategorized

The Friday Forum!

June 25, 2004 | 5 Comments

This week’s Friday Forum questions come with a warning — they are not fat free or low calorie! I cannot be held responsible for any snarfilicious cravings this entry may induce. Proceed at your own risk.
1. What’s the most decadent, indulgent, and delicious dessert
that you’ve ever tried?

Oooh? tiramisu! One of my favorite local places, Mario?s Restaurante, makes a homemade tiramisu that will blow your friggen mind. Rich, creamy, beautifully presented, and garnished with a small chocolate-covered coffee bean on top. There seem to be lots of different ways to put it together, but the basic ingredients usually remain the same: marscapone cheese, whipped cream, marsala wine, espresso, chocolate, and lady finger cakes. Divine!

2. Which candies/treats did you enjoy most when you were a
child?

I always liked homemade treats the best as a kid, but if I had a chance to get a hold of some ZOTZ, I was a happy foaming-at-the-mouth, puckered-up little kid. ZOTZ were definitely more fun than tasty.

In fact, they were so sour and brutal it makes me wonder if they were made with battery acid or something.

3. If you could invent a brand-new ice cream flavor ~ one that
nobody has ever tried ~ what would it be?

Low-Carb Belly Button Lint Ice Cream ? it?s Atkins? friendly!!

(Sorry, but the low-carb Atkins mania is driving me up the wall. Just had to vent.)

4. Which is best, in your opinion: white chocolate, milk chocolate,
semisweet chocolate, dark chocolate, or no chocolate at all?

Milk chocolate, the creamier the better. I?ve never understood the reasoning behind white chocolate. I call it ?that ugly albino stepsister of the Good Stuff.?

Uh?No offense to all of you ugly albino stepsisters out there. Hee.

5. Do you have a favorite cookie? What is it? If you have the
recipe, feel free to share it with us if you are so inclined!

I?d be hard-pressed to dislike any cookie, but when I read the question this is the first one that came to my mind, so it must be the favorite of the moment: Chocolate-Covered Cherry Cookies

I?ve been making them as Christmas treats for years now and they are always a hit. They are fudgy, a little chewy, and covered with a dob of creamy frosting over a cherry. What?s not to love!?

I remember tearing out the recipe from an old Better Homes and Gardens magazine back when I was a newlywed and trying to build up a cookie repertoire. I was surprised when I went to their website tonight and saw the recipe there as well. Apparently, it?s pretty popular!

Here it is, for your mouth-watering pleasure:

Chocolate Covered Cherry Cookies

Prep: 30 minutes
Bake: 10 minutes

Ingredients

1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg
1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla
48 undrained maraschino cherries (about one 10-ounce jar
1 cup (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate pieces (not imitation)
1/2 cup sweetened condensed milk

Directions

In a mixing bowl combine flour and cocoa; set aside. In a large mixing bowl beat the butter or margarine with an electric mixer on medium to high speed about 30 seconds or until softened. Add sugar, salt, baking powder, and baking soda. Beat until well combined. Add egg and vanilla. Beat well. Gradually beat in the flour mixture.

Shape dough into 1-inch balls; place on ungreased baking sheet. Press down center of each ball with thumb. Drain maraschino cherries, reserving juice. Place a cherry in the center of each cookie. In a small saucepan combine the chocolate pieces and sweetened condensed milk; heat until chocolate is melted. Stir in 4 teaspoons of the reserved cherry juice.

Spoon about 1 teaspoon of the frosting over each cherry on unbaked cookie, spreading to cover cherry. (Frosting may be thinned with additional cherry juice, if necessary.)

Bake in 350F oven about 10 minutes or until done. Remove to wire rack; cool. Cover and store at room temperature up to 2 days. Makes 48 cookies.

Mmmmm mmmm YUMMY!