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Surfacing.

January 31, 2005 | 5 Comments

The only thing I dislike about being an artist is that when I am working ? really getting into it in the studio ? is that I am unable to numb my feelings and keep them at bay. I can?t stop them no matter what. In the past few days I?ve been struggling with painful emotions coming to the surface as I work… and then they follow me when I leave the easel behind. It’s fucking pissing me off.

The strangest thing is that it most likely won?t show up in the final product of this particular work. I?m collaging Valentine-y heart shapes to a canvas, for heaven?s sake. It probably looks pretty festive to the casual observer. It just seems odd that the pain I re-experienced during the creation of the piece won?t be discernable in the obvious subject matter. It?s confusing to me that what I see before me is not in synch with what I am feeling. The hurting is embedded in the brushstrokes, I suppose.

I think it has something to do with expelling upper body tension. That?s where I harbor my anger energy. Whenever I am angry my shoulders and arms tighten to the point that I feel like striking something is the only possible release.

Apparently, the physical act of painting and collaging releases it too. And for me, anger is usually masking pain.

Gah. I can?t talk about this anymore at the moment. It makes my head hurt.

Feasting and other stuff.

January 29, 2005 | Leave a Comment

Let’s go feastin’, kids…

Appetizer – If you could have a free subscription to any magazine, which one would you like to have?

I really enjoy fine art magazines, and I just discovered another one that I?d like to read on a regular basis: New American Paintings. The only problem is that a one year subscription (6 issues) is almost $90. (!!!) Maybe I could convince the campus library that they need to have it for educational purposes.

Soup – If you were to suddenly become famous, what would you choose as your stage name?

Christina Chase.

Salad – What ingredients make an awesome salad? Dressing? Croutons?

My ?Big Chef?Salad is awesome. This is one of my favorites and it?s great to serve to guests as well. Give them each a big bowl and let them layer on as much of each ingredient as they like. I usually serve it with warm cornbread, butter and honey as a side treat.

Romaine lettuce, baby spinach leaves, a few purple onion slices, raw mushroom slices, tomato wedges, grated cheddar or jack cheese, cucumber slices, shredded carrots, pieces of cooked ham and/or turkey, bacon bits and croutons ? toss together and serve with creamy ranch dressing.

Main Course – What do you like most about your current job?

In my teaching position, I most enjoy helping my students become more aware of the world around them. It?s an incredible experience to see that moment of ?a-ha!? when they make a connection or have a breakthrough in their thinking. Those brief moments make the rest of the silliness of the academic world all worthwhile.

In my position as an artist, I most enjoy the opportunities I have to take chances, make mistakes, and create wonder.

Dessert – Who is your favorite instrumental musician (not a singer)?

Oh, the dilemma in having to choose just one! I think the best way to answer this question is to say that right now, Benny Goodman, the legendary jazz clarinetist and big band leader, is thrilling me.

Download his familiar song titled “Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing)” and play it a few times. You’ll be hooked, too!

I’ve been working long hours in the studio lately, and today was no exception. I bought some vintage quilt pieces on eBay recently and I’m working some of them into a mixed media/painting kind of thing. Tonight I spent time brushing each piece of quilt with an acrylic emulsion to seal it and stop the edges from fraying; I am hoping everything will be dry enough by morning so that I can start collaging onto the painted canvas.

Of course, I have no idea where I am headed with this. But my most successful works usually come out of nowhere, so I will keep at it.

Out of the nowhere and into the here. Hmm.

I’m sitting here writing this and listening to the latest reports pour in from Iraq. It sounds like people are turning out to vote in droves, despite the bombings and threats of violence. I am in awe.

God bless those strong souls. Please pray for them.

More again soon, my friends. All my best to you.

Excerpts from today.

January 27, 2005 | Leave a Comment

Funny: A line I recalled today from the show ?In Living Color?? want it?

?The wench with the stench who leaves a mark on the bench.?

(AAaaaahahahahahah!)

Ridiculous: One rickety old desk, one enormous new desk, two loaded bookshelves, three chairs, 4 filing cabinets, one wastebasket and big ol? ME, crammed into an 8 x 10 foot space for several hours while I feverishly put together my slide lecture today. (I had a headache within 5 minutes.)

Stunning: One of my favorite students (I simply adore this kid) said in class today that he doesn’t understand the point of Modern Art and that most of the paintings looked like they were completed within minutes’ and why is something like that worthwhile?

(Oh, God. I’ve got my work cut out for me.)

Irritating: It’s been a week since the last big snow. You’d think they’d be able to clear out the fucking parking rinks lots by now, but nooOOOOooooo — hazardous is fun!

Damn Near Orgasmic: Chinese pot-stickers, especially tonight because I was starving from not eating since 9 am.

Sleep inducing: Everything at the moment. Night night, kittens. ~ ~ ~

Hey, kids!

January 26, 2005 | 5 Comments

Yes, my second update within a few days. No fainting out there now! (No farting, either; I know you guys.)

Yesterday was the third meeting of my Late Modern Art History class. It went pretty well, although I still seem to be in the persistent struggle of locating the best slides to present in order to illustrate my points. Maybe it gets easier with more experience, I don?t know. I just recall that Mr. Hoffman, my undergrad art history mentor whose classroom I am now teaching in (God rest his soul) used to have the best slides and his lectures flowed very smoothly from point to point.

Of course, he lived and breathed art history, too. I am being completely serious when I say that it had been his main focus in life for decades by the time I had him as a teacher. I often imagine him doing research over his morning bowl of cornflakes and falling asleep at night with an ?Art in America? magazine flopped over his face.

I, on the other hand, have a bazillion focuses that seem to change at any given moment. No matter how much I love what I am doing, I have to force myself to concentrate on art history (or any task at hand) in order to keep from wandering off the path.

Sometimes, even if I have to pee really bad, I stop along the way to the bathroom and do 5 different things before I finally get there. Then it?s usually a frantic, cross-legged dance in front of the toilet while I try to pull down my pants without incident.

See? I just did it again. I was telling you about my art history class and I hauled you all the way to the bathroom with me.

What the fuck is that about? Is it that Attention Deficit Disorder?

Maybe it?s just Scatterbrained Doofus Disorder.

My poor, poor students. I think they are in for a herky-jerky ride this semester.

I?m getting a new desk in my office on campus, and I have never anticipated the arrival of a new desk more in my life. Hee.

The one that was there when I moved in ? let?s call it ?The Beast? ? should be gone by the end of the week. The Beast has side drawers on it that will not close all the way, thus leaving sharp metal points sticking out that liked to chew my legs to shreds (even through jeans!) It also has a very small top, so when I would be in the fray of research, books would go falling off the sides, the phone would topple, slide carousels would fly, and pens would roll and hit the floor at an extremely annoying rate. And did I mention its height? The Beast is a short-legged, gnarly freak of a desk, barely tall enough to accommodate a small junior high student, let alone a nearly 6-foot-tall, fatty-wad Amazon like myself.

The Beast must die and soon, The Beast shall be dead. May it suffer a painful demise.

Next on the agenda, to find a replacement for that ass-biting, non-rolling chair, known as ?The Butt-Fucking Bride of The Beast.?

It?s therapy day here in Pinkville; let all living beings rejoice! I feel a bit sorry for Dr. K, because it?s probably going to take half the session before I settle down and focus on a topic of discussion. If I were him, I?d hate dealing with me when I am like this. And I?m his last appointment of the day, so he?ll probably really be fried and ready to strangle someone.

Oughta be fun!

I?ll let you know how it goes. More later, my friends. ~ ~ ~

Weekend Update

January 23, 2005 | 5 Comments

Please, pardon my lack of updating. The first week back at school is always hectic for me and I?m having my usual minor difficulties with shifting gears.

The most irritating part is that I keep forgetting where I put things! I?m at home and I think I have my lesson planning book with me, then I realize, no? it?s at my office. Or I?m at my office and I forgot to bring some important papers along? and they may be in my car, or on the kitchen table, in my studio upstairs, or in the bathroom at Staples for all I know.

And it?s like that with everything. Books, papers, slides, files, pens, highlighters, my lunch, my water bottle, on and on and on. I swear I need one of those assistant chicks like Princess Diana had, who used to trot along next to her with an extra pair of pantyhose in her bag just in case Lady Di blew out the crotch in the ones she had on.

What would you call one of those people? Maybe a valet? Maybe a personal assistant?

Maybe ?a well-paid but pathetic lackey??

Yeah. I want one of those. Hee.

In other news: I?m avoiding my mother. I haven?t talked with her since we were in Omaha. Nothing good can come from this avoidance, I know, but it just feels necessary at the moment. Necessary in the self-preservation sort of way.

More details coming your way later this week, I am sure.

The extremely cold weather has abated for the moment (THANK GOD) and we now have a lovely 9-inch blanket of snow covering everything.

Of course, I call it lovely because I didn?t have to shovel it.

(Poor Agent J.)

At least I made him some chocolate chip cookies while he was out there.

Cookies and Ben-Gay. “The Classic Cure-alls for Iowa Snowfalls!”

Ok, let?s do the Friday?s Feast, shall we?

Appetizer – What is one quality you really admire about yourself?

I am tenacious. You know that saying ?Where there?s a will, there?s a way??? I have proven that to be true numerous times in my life. I never give up trying and I never give up hope.

Soup – What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?

Right now I use Aveda?s Clove Shampoo. ?Perfect for natural brunette hair and honey tones in blonde shades of hair. Made with organically grown clove, a detoxifying herb that also enhances warm tones, and organically grown coffee, which enriches the hair?s brown hue and provides astringent benefits to the scalp.?

It makes my hair so purty!

I usually don?t use a conditioner at all because they weigh my ultra-fine (yet thick) hair down. If I?m having a bad case of the fly-aways I?ll use a bit of Paul Mitchell?s Awapuhi Moisterizing Mist to calm it down. Works like a charm and adds a little extra shine too.

Salad – Describe your favorite movie scene. You know, the one that just gets to you every time you watch it.

It?s an unusual one and I just watched it again this weekend. In the movie ?The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,? there is a part of the story where one of the main characters, Vivie (a young housewife at this point) has a nervous breakdown. She frantically scrapes together some money and runs away to the oceanside, where she hides and slowly regains her composure. The scene that I admire the most is where Vivie realizes she has to keep trying to live ? trying to move forward, even if all she can do is go through the motions at this point in her life. She picks up the phone and calls home, and when one of her young daughters answers she adapts the tone that is required of her: she is calm, soothing and nurtures her child even though she is barely holding her own mind together. She does what she has to do.

It is a quietly intense scene — certainly not the epitome of cinematic greatness — but it?s genuine and familiar to me, so I connect with it deeply.

Main Course – If you were a veggie, which one would you be, and why?

A carrot! Sweet, brilliant, versatile? long-lasting? and surprising. (Yes, surprising! Ever pull a 14 inch carrot out of the ground? I have! Woo hoo!)

Dessert – If you could take a weekend trip within 100 miles of your current residence, where would you like to go?

Madison, Wisconsin. (Though I would avoid the college town district like the plague. It?s pure insanity there, 24-7!)

There?s just lots of fun stuff to do in Madison. It has a zoo, art museums and galleries, good shopping, some really nice restaurants, and one of the most beautiful lakeshore drives in the Midwest.

I?m planning on spending a few days there this summer just to run away from home for a while.

I should wrap this up and go upstairs and work a while. By the way, I heard the requests for The Suzi-Q Cake recipe ? I?ll be posting it later this week, or as soon as I locate my recipe book.

I may have left that in the bathroom at Staples, too.

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