Breaking concrete with a popsicle stick.

June 23, 2004

That?s what it feels like to be working through this creative block. I spent a long time in my studio last night, trudging forward. It?s so difficult and painful? and I am very tired. But at least there is progress being made and for that I am grateful. I am experiencing flickers of hope.

What I am realizing now is that I had no idea of how thoroughly I had shut down my emotions and kept them from emerging in my work the past few years. Sure, I?ve been making art recently, but it?s been very shallow. Surface stuff only. Usually pretty and marketable. Which is alright if you are into decoration, but I know for me, it?s not what art is all about. I?ve known that all along, but I just couldn?t manage to make myself go deeper. I couldn?t risk feeling anything.

The book I mentioned a while back, ?The Artist?s Way? by Julia Cameron, gets the majority of the credit for causing this awakening. It?s brilliant. It?s digging around in my brain, rooting out all of the negative bullshit and helping me look at it without beating myself up along the way. It’s also helping me see lots of positive aspects of myself and my work, too.

I?ll be honest; I?ve made half-hearted attempts to begin using the suggestions in this book several times in the past, but always found a reason to give up before I was 1/10th through the material. I guess it was too threatening and painful.

So why am I open to it now? Again, a guess? but I think it?s because it?s even more threatening and painful to remain the way I am at the moment.

I?m hoping this breakthrough will finally help my willful nature calm down a bit. White-knuckled obstinacy may have been necessary to get through the first half of my life, but I sure don?t want to live the rest of my years that way.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Breaking concrete with a popsicle stick.”

  1. Cinta on June 24th, 2004 6:35 am

    That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do is increased. -RWE *hugs*

  2. Stacey aka American Jade on June 24th, 2004 7:38 pm

    Sometimes popsicle sticks can pack a powerful punch…
    BTW, I love the new look!:)

  3. Zubrovka on June 24th, 2004 11:01 pm

    Rx…
    You need to get out of town for awhile. Grab a friend, (not the spouse). and do a couple hundred miles out in some direction you’ve never been before. Take the camera and explore the backroads. DO NOT GO ALONE!!!
    Don’t try to find anything, just take it all in visually and use the camera. Explore the edge. Get an early start and be home before nightfall.
    Z

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