I should have just gone

June 30, 2002

I should have just gone to sleep…

“We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.”

~Joseph Roux

After I read for a while, I went on IRC to chat with a close friend of mine. For nearly 5 years, we have laughed, talked and shared our lives with each other. But over the recent months something has changed. When I found him tonight he could barely spare me a moment or two, all because he was too busy with his new friend. I felt like he was just throwing me a bone by even saying hello.

It is breaking my heart because tonight I finally realized that I’m not as important to him as I once was and I never will be again. By his choice, our friendship will never be the same.

I know his new friend reads this journal frequently. I just want to tell her to treat him well. He means more to me than I can express in words, even though it doesn’t seem to matter anymore.